Saturday, August 29, 2015

ADHDday+1

Ok, so some background for some of you that don't know me well as others.  I have had issues/problems with the relationships I have with my kids and my wife, Amy, made me seek counseling.  Counseling led to seeing a psychiatrist for meds.  About 2 months ago, I got REALLY frustrated with some forgetfulness/lack of focus issues I was having at work and brought it up to him.  about 20 questions later the term he used was "classic adult ADHD".  Whoa.  Wait.  Well,you've heard the joke: if 1 in 10 people have ADHD and you're standing in a room with nine people you KNOW dont have it then.....  OMG.  Hey...thats not funny dammit!!  So....the joke was on ME!!  wow.  I walked out of that office in a fog.    EVERYONE we know jokes that they could have saved my wife a lot of money on THAT diagnosis.  Over 30 freaking years of thinking of myself as an idiot with brains because no one thought to speak up.  I felt like I had been walking around my whole life with a big "kick me" sign on my back and everyone was laughing at me behind my back. And they didnt realize that I could have sought help. Amy didnt even know I had it.  She just thought it was me being me.  She didn't realize that I was actually MENTALLY ILL!!  Yep.  I said it.  I am.  I cant even try to deny it.  Its not leprosy.  Its not the bird flu.  I'm not thinking about taking an assault rifle into a crowded place.  But I am ill.  However, sick is not a word I would use to describe myself.  I can function in society.  Just not as well as I should.  Boy was I was very angry at first.  Not at anyone in particular, especially my wife...just angry. And then I got very depressed.  I started thinking about how much better my life could have been.  Not that I can complain too much.  I have had a pretty good life.  But I never came close to attaining my dreams.  But then I got over it and realized maybe I had turned a corner in my life.  Maybe there was a light at the end of this tunnel that was my life of disappointments in myself.  So I started trying to get better.

 I have been on Vyvanse since I was diagnosed and I wasnt really feeling much improvement (sadly I havent even researched it yet, and most patients I have read about are on Adderall)  .  I had the dosage increased as we had started low to see how I reacted.  Still not much improvement. Well, yesterday I had a HUGE f&*) up at work due to ADHD.  It could have easily gotten me fired and lost my boss a big contract.  And I really hope he doesnt read this before I have a chance to tell him personally what happened.  Well, the whole damn  reason I even started down this road is because I was frustrated that my boss could not rely on me and not being reliable to him kills me.  I realized I was relying way too much on drugs and doctors (again, but thats a subject for another blog) and started researching what I could do to train myself to avoid the common mistakes ADHDers make...and...wow...there is there ever a TON of literature out there.  I read four stories posted by ADHDers and I  was completely mesmerized by people experiencing the same EXACT difficulties in life as I am.  So yesterday was Day 0.  The day I realized I need to figure this out for myself.  I HAVE to find the tools that will make life more enjoyable for me and the people around me. So yesterday becomes my new "birthday". Dont worry..I will still celebrate the old ones so keep those cards coming.  I have confidence I can achieve some sort of normality in my life.  I know I will have people around me who want me to succeed in my struggle.   I have a very loving wife who I wouldnt trade for anyone...ever...she has put up with an adult with ADHD for almost 25 years now.  That's the definition of a saint in my eyes.  And that is motivation enough to become a better person.  And I have to kids that I would like to enjoy their fathers company a little more.   Not to mention I dont want to forget to pick up my grandchildren at school like I did my daughter....sorry honey.

 I know there has been a lot of hype about ADHD (or ADD) being overdiagnosed, especially in kids. If you have any doubts about my diagnosis just take a look at this online test (and to understand me better you actually should look at it):

 http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1041.html

 There are 21 self-descriptions that are used to describe behaviors/traits exhibited by adults with ADHD.  If you have 15 or more you are most likely ADHD.  I have 19.  Stunned?  I was.  But it took away any doubts I had.  And I think thats a very good thing.

 I have more than one purpose in writing this blog but the main one is to help those around me better understand me and the illness I have.  I also want to get this message out to those who haven't figured out what I have: Ur doctor is just ur advisor.  Ur health is YOUR responsibility!!!  In this day and age of information, you are short-changing yourself if you don't do the research behind ANY diagnosis a doctor gives you.  I have made that mistake twice now. 

 Oh ya, one last reason for the blog:  dont ever let yourself be afraid to speak up...dont let someone you care about
walk around with that KICK ME sign on their backs.  Just don't.

 So I hope you will join me on my road to a better me...and dont worry, ADHD isnt contagious, just....what was the question again??

 For the very funny side of ADHD take a look at these quotes (Amy and I were cracking up):

 http://www.additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/6582.html

 And thanks for caring..Barrys out for now

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7 comments:

  1. Olaf DanielsonAugust 29, 2015 at 6:46 PM

    Well, I'm sure I'd easily meet this diagnosis, not belittling your struggle, I am reminded every time I go blueberry picking. I find a sea of berries, I sit and pick them and then I have this overwhelming urge to go to another spot and then anither, all the while my boat partner has picked the first area he found clean. I need constant stimulation, for me doing something akin to a Big Sit in birding would be a slow suicide....

    glad you figured youself out as like it is said IDing problem is the first step

    O

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  2. UnknownAugust 31, 2015 at 11:16 PM

    I was about 7 when I was first pulled out of classes in school. They were testing for learning disabilities. At the age of 9 I started to go into special education classes for "English/Grammar/Spelling". It was very difficult as a child when seperated from the normal kids thinking I was dumb. I had teachers actually call me dumb, but most said that I wasn't dumb but that I was lazy. As time went by I moved to several schools (8) due to my father being in the military. This only seemed to make things worse.

    Looking back I know I wasn't dumb or lazy I just refused to do thing that didn't interest me. Hell I never read a novel on my own until I was 23 years old. Not even when it was an assignment in school. I had no interest.

    I have never been told or diagnosed with ADD. I figured it out on my own... I researched about ADD/ADHD and had lots of interest in it. I'd like to think that I've bettered my self by controlling some of the things that are issues with ADD. I still have a long way to go. When I focus on some of the issues others slip through. It's a never ending battle. Like anything else the more I know about it, the longer I try to change my self, the better I get with it (so I hope). Its there and never go's away.

    If you get a chance you should watch http://totallyadd.com/totallyadd-loving-it-trailer/
    It was on PBS and is very good. Watch it with the one you're close to after you've watched it once yourself. I would keep the remote in your hand so that you can hit pause and talk about it.

    Thanks for sharing Barry!

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    Replies
    1. Barry ParkinSeptember 1, 2015 at 11:09 AM

      I knew you had trouble in school but I didnt realize it carried over to adulthood. I have read quite a bit over the last few days about motivation and cleaning house. The light came on now.

      Delete
  3. UnknownSeptember 1, 2015 at 7:58 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Barry ParkinSeptember 2, 2015 at 4:42 PM

    Update time. So after some browsing and a request for help finding training tools I have hit a gold mine of information. But the problem with ADD (it's not ADHD in adults, just attention deficit disorder) is that organization is not ur strong suit. So I'm not quite sure where to start. Or even how to. So I'm turning to someone who can probably help, my counselor. Progress report: I have learned i can't trust myself to remember ANYTHING so I put EVERYTHING in my iPhone Calendar and set alarms. That was step one in getting more organized and hence reliable. It's a baby step but at least it's a step in the right direction. Did anyone read the "you know you have ADD if" quotes. I loved the one that was you lose ur keys and u lose ur spare keys and ur spouse is afraid to let u use their car cuz they are afraid u will lose their keys too. Lol

    I found this article VERY enlightening. It also made me feel more comfortable with myself. Maybe I am not I'll per se but just different than other people. Different in both good and bad ways
    http://m.additudemag.com/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=August&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.additudemag.com%2Fadhd%2Farticle%2F10117.html%3Futm_source%3Deletter%26utm_medium%3Demail%26utm_campaign%3DAugust&utm_referrer=#2632
    Hopefully my next update will find me with a plan of action. Until then...

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  5. Barry ParkinSeptember 3, 2015 at 3:43 PM

    My counselor had a sick kid and I couldn't make our schedules match until the 15th. Only 3 ADHD (I do have hyperactivity) moments today. And they were just little things. Time for more reading

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  6. Barry ParkinSeptember 3, 2015 at 3:49 PM

    One quick note: I'm sure most of you have noticed that I have a tendency to interrupt you in conversation. I have a lack of ability to resist impulses. This is called impulsivity and comes under the diagnosis of hyperactivity. From now on just tell me to wait. Please!! 😀

    ReplyDelete

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