So I haven't had the epiphany that most people have on either Vyvanse or Adderall (kind of funny with all the way the pharmaceutical companies tries to soften the nastiness of their drugs that the generic of  Adderall is "Amphetamine salts") and my psychiatrist agrees that its time to try something else.  So enter Ritalin.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylphenidate

Got my fingers crossed but not real optimistic.  I have realized that the more I am aware of why I do the things I do, the easier it is to modify the behavior through situational recognition.  Prevention IS really the best medicine.  I have a LOT of things that I would like to do better so I am conquering each one one at a time.  The easiest was forgetfulness.  Once I realized I needed reminders for such things as appointments and errands, it was easy to solve with my iPhone.  Alarms and Calendar keep me on course, although not always on time.  Time management and getting organized are slightly tougher.  The lure of doing things you want to when you want to easily gets me off the course I should be on.  Small breaks from tedious jobs are great.  But I have to set a timer, otherwise I just never restart what I was doing.  I have many more "issues" to resolve but I believe concentrating on one at a time is the best policy.  The great thing is that MANY people have conquered their "illness" and are willing to share how they did it and share all the tools they used.  Knowing other people have gotten through with and without meds gives me great optimism in the future.

Barry

The wonderfule world of medicine

Its not a wonder that people get mad when dealing with doctors and insurance companies.  So for the second time, my psychiatrist upped my dosage to see if this med is gonna work or not.  3 weeks after he wrote the scrip I still had not received approval from the insurance company.  I would call the doctors office and they would tell me they had sent it in and were waiting on the insurance company.  I called the insurance company and they said they had not received anything from the doctors office or were waiting on the reply.  In the meantime I ran out of the original dose and didnt refill it because I assumed the approval would be coming shortly.  I am really starting to think I dont like this med.  I was off of it for 8 days.  Had no trouble functioning and I was actually able to eat food before noon. I think the amphetamine does give me tons of energy and I have the motivation to get stuff done but I am not sure I couldnt get that from caffeine.  Anyway, I gained 7 pounds pounds while I was off the med. Thinking that just being aware of my troubles/issues has been huge for me and learning how to prevent the common mistakes associated with the diagnosis has made my life much better.  And I have to thank my counselor for helping me understand how to deal with my short-temperedness with my family.  My daughter actually took me out to dinner for my birthday and we sat and talked the whole time.  I am sure she was surprised.  I know I was.  It sucks to realize if I had done this years ago, my kids would have been able to enjoy their father a whole lot more.  I sincerely hope that they have learned that it is OK to admit you may have a problem you need help with  and there is nothing to be ashamed about in going to get yourself some help.  Well since I am basically writing this in order to procrastinate and not do what I should be doing, thats all for now.

An interesting list of people with ADHD

http://www.addadult.com/add-education-center/famous-people-with-adhd/

Same old same old

Medical professionals are SOOO stuck in the idea that they have the power to cure you. No offense Brad, but that has been my experience.  No one has the power to cure you but YOU.  Whether its a common cold or cancer, you have to want to become "healthy".  And when a medical professional doesnt take that into account, they are failing in their job.

So my counselor had to cancel my appointmment as she had a sick little one.  Unfortunately, our schedules didnt mesh for two weeks.  So I decided maybe I should go back to my psychiatrist and see if he could help me get started on "behavior modification".  I had been a little jittery for the previous two days and wondered if maybe I needed to reduce my dosage.  Not a good idea.  Started with "if you arent feeling drastically different, you dont have ADHD", went to "what has happened since we last visited?" (as if he was stupefied that I wasnt cured), and finished with "we need to try a higher dose".  ALL of the research I have done points to the meds only being able to help you become able to train yourself to modify behaviors.  No cure-all.  Maybe in people who cant function socially at all.  I had it right all along when I told him I am looking for help in modifying my behaviors and learning when I need to be aware of situations that will require me to think first, act second.  I need counseling, not a psychiatrist.

On a good note, my research has led to one benefit.  I have realized that I have a hard time with resisting impulses.  The ADHD brain is a VERY active brain.  I am always thinking.  Sometimes to the point that I forget where I am driving.  I drive by my stops all the time if I dont concentrate.  So if an idea comes into my head, I have to get it out...now!!  So I pick up my phone and start texting...while I'm driving.  Step one....pick up phone and dictate idea into my Notes App.  I also have a hard time not answering texts while I am driving.  Immediately, no matter what I am doing, like driving in heavy traffic.  Step two...I asked the people that text me the most to stop texting me when I am likely to be at work.  Call me.  PLEASE!!  I can mostly talk and drive.  I do believe the meds are helping me to concentrate on the call AND remember to stop where I should.  Also, I have been consciously THINKING of just taking a quick read of a text and waiting to answer until my vehicle is not moving.  And I am using the dictation function on my phone to avoid taking my eyes off the road.  Baby steps :}

ADHDday+1

Ok, so some background for some of you that don't know me well as others.  I have had issues/problems with the relationships I have with my kids and my wife, Amy, made me seek counseling.  Counseling led to seeing a psychiatrist for meds.  About 2 months ago, I got REALLY frustrated with some forgetfulness/lack of focus issues I was having at work and brought it up to him.  about 20 questions later the term he used was "classic adult ADHD".  Whoa.  Wait.  Well,you've heard the joke: if 1 in 10 people have ADHD and you're standing in a room with nine people you KNOW dont have it then.....  OMG.  Hey...thats not funny dammit!!  So....the joke was on ME!!  wow.  I walked out of that office in a fog.    EVERYONE we know jokes that they could have saved my wife a lot of money on THAT diagnosis.  Over 30 freaking years of thinking of myself as an idiot with brains because no one thought to speak up.  I felt like I had been walking around my whole life with a big "kick me" sign on my back and everyone was laughing at me behind my back. And they didnt realize that I could have sought help. Amy didnt even know I had it.  She just thought it was me being me.  She didn't realize that I was actually MENTALLY ILL!!  Yep.  I said it.  I am.  I cant even try to deny it.  Its not leprosy.  Its not the bird flu.  I'm not thinking about taking an assault rifle into a crowded place.  But I am ill.  However, sick is not a word I would use to describe myself.  I can function in society.  Just not as well as I should.  Boy was I was very angry at first.  Not at anyone in particular, especially my wife...just angry. And then I got very depressed.  I started thinking about how much better my life could have been.  Not that I can complain too much.  I have had a pretty good life.  But I never came close to attaining my dreams.  But then I got over it and realized maybe I had turned a corner in my life.  Maybe there was a light at the end of this tunnel that was my life of disappointments in myself.  So I started trying to get better.

I have been on Vyvanse since I was diagnosed and I wasnt really feeling much improvement (sadly I havent even researched it yet, and most patients I have read about are on Adderall)  .  I had the dosage increased as we had started low to see how I reacted.  Still not much improvement. Well, yesterday I had a HUGE f&*) up at work due to ADHD.  It could have easily gotten me fired and lost my boss a big contract.  And I really hope he doesnt read this before I have a chance to tell him personally what happened.  Well, the whole damn  reason I even started down this road is because I was frustrated that my boss could not rely on me and not being reliable to him kills me.  I realized I was relying way too much on drugs and doctors (again, but thats a subject for another blog) and started researching what I could do to train myself to avoid the common mistakes ADHDers make...and...wow...there is there ever a TON of literature out there.  I read four stories posted by ADHDers and I  was completely mesmerized by people experiencing the same EXACT difficulties in life as I am.  So yesterday was Day 0.  The day I realized I need to figure this out for myself.  I HAVE to find the tools that will make life more enjoyable for me and the people around me. So yesterday becomes my new "birthday". Dont worry..I will still celebrate the old ones so keep those cards coming.  I have confidence I can achieve some sort of normality in my life.  I know I will have people around me who want me to succeed in my struggle.   I have a very loving wife who I wouldnt trade for anyone...ever...she has put up with an adult with ADHD for almost 25 years now.  That's the definition of a saint in my eyes.  And that is motivation enough to become a better person.  And I have to kids that I would like to enjoy their fathers company a little more.   Not to mention I dont want to forget to pick up my grandchildren at school like I did my daughter....sorry honey.

I know there has been a lot of hype about ADHD (or ADD) being overdiagnosed, especially in kids. If you have any doubts about my diagnosis just take a look at this online test (and to understand me better you actually should look at it):

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1041.html

There are 21 self-descriptions that are used to describe behaviors/traits exhibited by adults with ADHD.  If you have 15 or more you are most likely ADHD.  I have 19.  Stunned?  I was.  But it took away any doubts I had.  And I think thats a very good thing.

I have more than one purpose in writing this blog but the main one is to help those around me better understand me and the illness I have.  I also want to get this message out to those who haven't figured out what I have: Ur doctor is just ur advisor.  Ur health is YOUR responsibility!!!  In this day and age of information, you are short-changing yourself if you don't do the research behind ANY diagnosis a doctor gives you.  I have made that mistake twice now. 

Oh ya, one last reason for the blog:  dont ever let yourself be afraid to speak up...dont let someone you care about

walk around with that KICK ME sign on their backs.  Just don't.

So I hope you will join me on my road to a better me...and dont worry, ADHD isnt contagious, just....what was the question again??

For the very funny side of ADHD take a look at these quotes (Amy and I were cracking up):

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/6582.html

And thanks for caring..Barrys out for now